Christmas Icons Part Three: The "Wrong" Songs

            When I was growing up, I shared a bedroom with my brother, Mike.  He was two years my senior, and so, was my appointed mentor.  That's the way it was supposed to work:  The older brother knew more, and better.  After lights out, we talked until Mike fell asleep.  He always went first, and never took long to go.  As a kid, I was a little insomniac, sometimes unable to sleep for hours.  My memories of these times are many, but I almost always picture darkness, with Mike's disembodied voice speaking words of "wisdom" for the day.  This darkened chamber of mystical wisdom is where I learned most of the funny songs of my elementary years.  There was On Top of Old Smokey, All Covered in Blood, and Whistle While You Work, Hitler is a Jerk, and many others.  In some cases, it took years if not decades not only to understand what the subject was, but also to correct errors which were the result of the singers not grasping meaning.  For example, the Whistle While You Work… song had the name Oscallini in it, but years later I figured out it was supposed to be Mussolini.  What did we know about Mussolini in those elementary years?

            So, there were a couple of songs about the most important day of the year.  There were, of course the "regular" songs that we heard on the radio or Christmas records, and then there were the songs which came from Christmas shows on the television.  These were touchy because they often came with strong emotions we were too embarrassed to show.  For example, most of the songs from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer were too sensitive, and would surely bring mockery from everyone else in the neighborhood if we got choked up while singing.  Every time I even thought of the Island of Misfit Toys being visited at last by Santa, I got a tear in my eye; this was never o.k. in a neighborhood with a boy-to-girl ratio of more than seven-to-one.  So, the following are a couple of "classic" elementary school songs about Christmas.  (Actually, The Night Before Christmas is a poem.)  There may or may not be more lyrics available, but these snippets are what I remember:

            JINGLE BELLS

            Jingle Bells, Santa smells

            Rudolph ran away.

            Oh, what fun it is to ride

            In a brand new Chevrolet.

            'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

            'Twas the night before Christmas,

            and all through the house,

            not a creature was stirring,

            not even a rat.

            The children were all slaughtered,

            they were dead in their beds,

            and Grandma in the closet,

            without her head.

            And I on the toilet,

            with a knife in my back,

            had just settled down,

            for a long winter's crap.

            It goes without saying, that these songs are horrible, but the question is whether or not they are normal for elementary boys.  I'm no psychologist, but I understand that at that age, boys at least have an interest in far out and shocking images, so long as they are not too graphic.  This is the basic reason my wife and I did not show movies or television of any kind whatsoever to our children until they were about five years old, and nothing that could be considered to be horror until they were teenagers.  So much so, that they were all past sixteen before they choose to watch Dawn of the Dead while on a weekender with their friends up north in a family lake cottage.   They survived the ordeal, but not without  losing some sleep that week.

            I can't really discern the long term effects of repeating the "wrong" songs.  I have no preoccupation with guns, knives, or violence (unless playing on-line World of Warcraft counts).  I love traditional Christmas songs with Bing, Nat, Dean, and Frank.  I love the hymn-like tunes, such as Coventry Carol.  I might even be coaxed to admit I still feel some emotion when I think of the Island of Misfit Toys.  I am not ready to declare horror and shock to be healthy for an elementary boy, certainly not when it is accompanied by graphic Hollywood images.  If there is any developmental function for the "wrong" songs, I supposed it is more related to learning how to grab and hold the attention of peers on the playground.  I'll wager that doing character impressions would have been just as good.  Sometimes we did do Cornelius from Rudolph, shouting "Wahoo!" or saying, "Bumbles bounce!"  To this day, my family slips into communicating through movie quotes, to the confusion and amusement of friends.  Without warning, someone might ask, "What is the meaning of Christmas?"  to which the only answer can be, "Revenge! … and presents, I suppose…"